Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
