If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
