So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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