yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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