Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
