clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
