What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
