North Korea, Best Korea!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
