now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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