Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
