So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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