Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you traded sex for a burrito?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
