Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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