morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
