dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
