Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
