It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
