Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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