i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
