My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
