girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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