i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
