The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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