did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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