You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
