She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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