I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
