i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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