i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
