What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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