I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
