btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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