I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
