I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
