I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
