Your mouth is God's brothel.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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