he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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