sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
