You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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