dude i'm inner monologue high
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
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you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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