I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
