Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
