Already got asked if we're dating
Buhtt sex?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
