I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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