You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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