Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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