I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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