to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
