My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
