New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize