Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
