I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
