He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am mentally ready for anal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
