checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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