Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
