Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
