didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
